idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
