I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
