I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She even gives head with a lisp.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
