By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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