just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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