is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
