i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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