Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
