OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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