So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
