I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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