I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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