Small penises have feelings too.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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