i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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