so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
