You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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