jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
