Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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