we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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