ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
