Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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