hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
