I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
