Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
