So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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