last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
