The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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