i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
