2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
