Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Houston, we have a squirter
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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