Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
