I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
a search helicopter?!
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
