yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
