just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
