I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I love how my cats smell like pot.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
