Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
