So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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