Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize