my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
