Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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