): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
