Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
