i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
