The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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