shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
