I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
