My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
