Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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