you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
