I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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