he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
