did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
