whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
