he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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