You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize