it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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