It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish you could order shots online.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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