i may or may not be watching the land before time
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
