are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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