This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
