i think my tv is drunk
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Randomize
