someone get that fucking seahorse.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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