I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
