Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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