He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
im six kinds of drunk right now
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
