I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
