Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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