I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize