You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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