Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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