so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
