Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
