Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
