Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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