you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
