i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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