I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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