I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
