forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
